Apart from experiencing the obvious regret of failing to accommodate my brain and my attitude to handle the opportunities life threw at me, there is something else that happens when you realize you are not taking full advantage of your potentials. That is, in my case, all the things that I have discovered about myself because I missed the opportunities. First of all, I also missed opportunities right when I was facing them, in the sense that, that specific opportunity intimidated me so much, that I could not grab it. That, is unbelievable a powerful self disappointment, which transforms your future self adjusting to opportunities in 2 ways: one, realizing that the opportunity wasn’t quite as you expected it to be, or it is not really such a huge opportunity, but because you were so close to it, you managed to actually realize that, which in my case, made me understand I am a powerful opportunity myself (great to see that when in front of another opportunity, it’s a bit of a comparison type of enhancing one’s self esteem and self image) and two, one opportunity can actually develop a new opportunity in your life, because you took advantage of the first one, like a rolling snow ball effect. However, how equipped are you to actually have the courage to take the opportunity to achieve that?
I know I am not that well trained in that direction. Moreover, I find myself criticizing everything I am inspired to do because of my perfectionist aura, hence sabotaging myself, lacking the courage to actually confront my fears and grab that opportunity. So, this is, what I have learned from my missed opportunities experiences:
- I am afraid of a certain degree of success, because I am afraid I am not able to handle it because I never had a success to know how it feels or what it actually means
- I am ashamed to ask for certain things from people, even when I know that could help me because I feel I do not deserve it and this is because of my perfectionism
- I am embarrassed when I meet new people who have tremendous success and they are so much younger than me as this shows, at least to me, that I have not had that much drive to actually stand out and that’s because I am not really sure if I really want to stand out and be the actor or if I would rather prefer to simply have a comfortable seat to watch the show
- I don’t feel ready to take the leap and get out of my comfort zone because I do not think that to have success you must force something that you do not enjoy. I believe success comes from something you do easily and with joy
- I am scared not that I will fail, but rather that I will possibly have a TOTAL COLLAPSE
- I would not take an opportunity if I feel I have to stretch more than I feel comfortable to
- I experience nervousness and its physical symptoms and I cannot cope with that stress (this happens when that amazing opportunity appears and I am told to go for it)
- I become inhibited when I am in front of the great opportunity – my voice is lowered in volume, it kinda becomes shaken and blurred, I cannot find my words and my body language tells the other person I am shy. But that is not being shy. That is much worse. It’s intimidation. Inhibition. And inhibition is felt as if I have a block, a wall, a stop in front of everything I wish I could be or do at that time. It is transforming me into someone uncomfortable in my own skin, it makes me super aware and conscious of all my flaws and it gets in my way of accelerating my success. It’s a fail.
- I am way too conscious of how I am perceived to the point that I deny myself different things, from kindness to gifts, to pleasures of life and even peace of mind. I torment myself with how stupid I could have been.
These would be a few of the flaws that become visible now to you as well when I miss an opportunity or when it presents itself in my face and I look at it and let it pass by, making a strong long felt miserable impression of myself as well.
But there is also good things that come from missed opportunities and from all the flaws that make themselves seen when failures occur. This is positive aspects I have learned about myself from my missed opportunities and my missed opportunities feelings:
- I am highly emotional and yet I have a rare degree of balance to which I can turn to find self comfort. This makes me overly sensitive and this hypersensitivity causes fear, timidity and lack of self confidence along with feeling overwhelmed by my self consciousness, but all of this spring from positive characteristics I possess such as my acute awareness and intuition. I am like an antenna for other people’s feelings and I often know before a word is spoken how they feel. I would not be able to have this capacity if I would not have experienced it myself. As a result, I have an enormous empathy for the inner turmoil of others and can do much good for people with emotional problems, something I intuitively felt a long time ago, when I decided to pursue my vocation as a psychotherapist or counselor, or healer of some sort. Which I didn’t, but that does not prove anything. I am in a position of helping people anyway, and I am learning patience everyday, every single moment. Hard times, hard jobs make you discover even more your personal power and even if I had not had the courage to follow my path in the first place as I chose it, I know it was a road I had to travel to become how I am today.
- All the flaws I have are also qualities. Without my sensitive nature I would not have been aware of people’s expectations of me. I would not have been that easy to work with, therefore making my way in life easier and my life flowing like a river instead of a stormy sea and I would not have understood myself so well.
- Due to my intuition, I am more sensitive, making my path a little easier and more direct, because I intuitively know the appropriate next step.
- My perception of life is somehow more acute than others (when comparing myself with other peers) as I feel I see more clearly (for my future and my self) and more spiritually due to my high degree of sensitivity
- I have learned to cherish myself more because I am my worst critic.
- I value one particular lesson the missed opportunities taught me: I will be better prepared for the next opportunity
- I am actually an optimist, a dreamer, someone that can see into the soul of things and I feel totally impractical at times. But this keeps me going through failures. If I missed an opportunity I know it is because I have to miss this one to be able to see better and grab the next one that is to arrive.
- I do not believe in miracles, or that the next opportunity will not come. I know miracles exist and I know the next opportunity will arrive, so I would rather get myself ready for it. I rely on opportunities and miracles!
- I became more creative and inventive after one opportunity missed, because I create in my head all the things I could have said and done to attract it better in my life, to contribute to my success. This creative exercise works again, to prepare me for the next occasion.
- The paralyzing effect that some opportunities make me experience taught me something positive about myself as well: I can overcome that, no matter how difficult it appears to be. I am able to not let my feelings and emotions play too big of a role by accepting what I feel at that time, acting with flaws, being like I am in those moments (and possibly seen as shy and not that smart or wise, since my speech becomes so poor) and forgiving myself once I overcame it.
- I learned to forgive myself for these failures and spread confetti in my heart. If I will not do that, I will never stop being so critical of myself, I might never let go of my Utopian goal and will forever be miserable since pursuing an unrealistic ambition, such as perfectionism in everything I am (even though mine is quite sincere), will make me lose perspective and feel dissatisfied not only with myself, but with others too, as the perfectionism style will surround my perception of my dear ones experiences as well. Human existence is relative. It is not black and white. It is a lot of shades of grey. Understanding this, being conscious of this will form the basis for my self love and true happiness. And I believe it can help you too.
- One last thing that I would like to mention I have learned about myself from my missed opportunities resides in the fact that the regret of missing it, will make me, the next time another one presents itself at my door, to actually get out of my comfort zone and try to regret the paralyzing effect rather than the lack of it and its wise teachings.
What did you learn from your missed opportunities? Share them with me in the comments down below!