Journaling about how I feel I am, about what I like about my job and about what I wish in the working that I do, has made me realize very important aspects about myself and mirroring the information with my husband, have discovered that this, what I am about to blog about, really makes sense. Indeed, I got this insight that the way I describe the work that I do, with its goods and bad, describes me spooky well. I have also come to the realization and have come to terms to what is actually its significance when we say or we are told by leaders and inspirational speakers etc that we should forget what society is telling us, we should ignore what people tell us we cannot do and we can do. I know truly, deeply have figured it out.

This is how it works:

I have come to the conclusion that many times, I want to be or become someone or do something due to expectations I believe of myself to have and to be my own, when the fact is they were imprinted by something I would have seen online, or offline in real life to people that are so happy with their lives, careers and so on and who make feel everyone listening to them that they have discovered, understood and aligned to their path. This alignment and flow in these people’s life is something so powerful that it is impossible for everyone else not experiencing it to not be inspired, maybe jealous, curious and secretly wishing to have their life, while taking as much in as possible from their speech, attitudes, behaviors, clothing, ideas and even desires to do or become someone meaningful or worthy or admired or to become that “word” which is on everyone’s lips nowadays – successful.

I believe that what we really are attracted to these successful people is their total happiness and perfection in life (wealth, health and family) which is intrinsic to EVERYONE and that we all wrongly believe that the energy and bliss they are experiencing is something we could experience too if we follow our desires. But our desires are not really our desires. They are made up from the energy, passion, vibration and inspiration we feel energized by when we listen to these people. Instead of taking in the courage to listen to our inner beings and confront what actually makes us happy (which most of the times is in contradiction to what we think we want because it was imprinted by society) we believe that we are going to feel that freedom, independence and happiness, free of any burden of unwanted responsibilities if we follow their path. Their path is presented to us with such an energy that is contagious and it’s getting confused to our own path. We want the same life too. We admire successful people, we may chase them on Instagram, we may acutely read them or watch them or listen to what they have to say and we breathe their story instead of taking in their energy and passion for their path and not the path itself. This happens because society is made in such a way that our minds are confused to what actually is success.

While growing up we are tamed into perfect believers that if we work hard enough and if we follow the rules of other successful people we will be happy. Parents tell children, “how are you going to pay bills with this? (whether is painting, games, literature, fashion, anything that contradicts your parent’s vision of success which they encountered in their imprinted life)” or “if you do not learn this now, you won’t be able to get a job and what are you going to do then?” (instead of focusing on what they do best now and enhance their strengths) or “this is nice and you are good at it, but you need to do this still, it’s more practical” (implying that if we do not do certain jobs, we are not going to live, which our brains cannot conceive because we are hardwired for survival, so any notes on that, and we forget our passions, we go cozy and comfortable, we go safe.) So safe, that when we hear successful people talk about their struggles, our brains instead of understanding that it is about following our unique passions, about going wild and not domesticated, we go into a society friendly mode by which we comply even more with life and what other people say – work hard, study this and that, make your way into the business; started from the bottom, now we’re here vibe isn’t about following someone else’s dreams or ways of getting into this “success”ful trend, is about finding your / our own distinct talents and using them. It’s about following our intuition with what we like and want to study or work in, it’s about working harder on persevering with our dreams as this is SO MUCH HARDER than working harder on a safe job. It’s so HARD to maintain yourself accountable for your dreams and passions and talents and how you grow into an expert in that. It is extremely difficult to follow the path of rejection from everyone telling you “you are wrong”, “you will lose all your money”, “I do not believe in this working for you”, “you should just keep this as a hobby rather” and everyone turning your back at you because they are afraid YOU are confronting their lack of courage to go for their path and destiny. It’s easy to close your eyes and pretend that it does not exist. As a comparison, it’s easier to think food is just food to eat and fill my body than truly going deep and understanding food is medicine and that all disease comes from poor eating habits and lack of interest in learning that, because this too, has to do with the same thing – lack of courage. We are cowards because we know it’s actually hard to fight against our selves and our imprinted expectations, wishes and hopes and ideas of success.

Success is unique to everyone. And it is a perception. Perceptions are not the same as reality. Perception is subjective and it has to do a lot with your environment and your imprints and your unique being. Perception is not reality. Therefore, the way we perceive success does not mean the emotions we would feel if we would attain that success we see in others, would be real. As one of my Uni teachers said, “Behind every emotion, there is another emotion.” Perception is illusion. Success is an illusion of something we make up in our own heads highly influenced by peers, society, energies we perceive and wrongly translate into happiness. Energies we feel are the vibration of the “successful” person that is doing what he/she likes, has positive and beautiful results and shares it with the world. This sharing makes him/her happy. This happiness translates into that energy we perceive. We perceive their vibration which was able to be materialized into a concrete form and they have made something tangible. That thing which is tangible that we define as success is the inner self fulfilling its destiny he/she set up way before they were born. They had the courage to follow their intuition despite everyone else being against them not obeying the rules.

We are all intuitive. We all feel things. Even though they are perceptions, and they are subjective, they belong to us and there’s a reason we feel it. To follow it. 

This is another insight I gained while journaling – I do enjoy working, but I need to put in the work that I want to do and feel in the flow with. If I am forced (and we all force ourselves to go against what we feel inside we should be doing, by following what other people are telling us we should do to be happy, since everyone else is happy doing the same thing) to work something I do not want to work (even though I may be successful in that and maybe quite reach a good status) then I develop certain negative emotions and feelings inside such as anxiety, stress and lack of contentment for my life, I do not feel fulfilled rather depleted of energy and consumed by responsibilities I dread and wish would not have to be accountable for. These emotions generated by the job I work are what I actually despise when I say “I do not like my job”. It’s not the job itself. It’s how it makes me feel. The way my job makes me feel means that I need to gather even more energy to cope with processing it. Which is not something I want to do. I want to keep my energy for myself, for what I truly want to work. For what really makes me happy. I want to keep that energy for activities that will generate emotions which I do like and enjoy feeling – such as tranquility, gratefulness, bliss, peace, inspiration, self esteem and other inner unique emotions which make me happy. If I feel more the negative emotions generated by how I perceive my job, it does not mean I cannot feel the positives one generated when I am out from the office and doing what I enjoy, it simply means I have to spend more time in the negative and less in the positive and it requires more energy taken from the positive to actually process the negative and be able to get back in balance for the next day. If you have ever felt drained at the end of a working day, you know what I mean. That feeling means you need to sleep to regain your energy and positive attitude to problem solving at work. It’s not that I dislike problem solving. I dislike the activity I have to do to use problem solving. I want to use that in an activity that I enjoy being challenged. If that makes sense.

So, next, based on the above, I want to tackle the following:

The reason we look for something else when we obtain a job that we do not resonate with and we say “Oh, I would wish to have a job in which … this and that” or “How awesome would it be, if …” is because we are our jobs and we do not really like ourselves, we do not really accept our weaknesses or vulnerabilities and there’s plenty of stuff we need to change and we don’t. Our jobs are an environment that generates bad energy and negative vibes and that’s because deep down that’s how we really are. The way you describe your job is how you react. As an example, I describe my job as stressful, annoying, boring, full of hassle, too much responsibility, too serious, very secretive in a way and procedural, process driven, analytical, high service levels and too many demands. Well, guess what, I am very serious (I take my responsibilities very seriously), I am analytical, very attentive to details and that makes me easily drained, I have lots of responsibilities that I wish could be shared in terms of finance management, I can be very annoying as I want things to be made my way because I am extremely cautious and precaution and safety are my top strength qualities and traits, I am not very adventurous and prefer the safe road, step by step approach which is something demanded at my job and I can be very anxious and stressed if I do not get things done quickly enough and with quality (because I am very serious and conscientious) and that’s how I realized why I am my job. And why would I or we even go for a job that is something about ourselves that we do not like and wish to overcome?

Because everything in the universe is ENERGY. We attract what we are. We are our jobs. We are our environments. Because we attract them through how we breathe, think, speak and act. We have attracted the jobs we have which we would like to change. Because we are attracting what we are, what we truly want is the opposite. And we desire and look up for the opposite because we search for balance and harmony. Harmony and balance can be achieve if there is a minus and a plus. That’s when we are whole. We have everything we need to survive, to grow further and enrich other people’s lives like “successful” people do. When we want to have a different thing than what we have, it’s because we are searching to fulfill ourselves. We cannot be whole by only being one thing we are. We need it all. That’s why we are searching for our purposes, we follow goals and passions and hobbies to release energy that balances and harmonizes ourselves. We need our jobs as we have it. But we also need to follow our intuitions. Because our intuition has the purpose to take us on the path that will actually create this harmony and will actually take us where we are supposed to be, to become “successful.” 

I also believe that our intuition is like the fragments of bread that Hansel and Gretel left behind themselves to find their way back home while wandering in the woods. We have chosen this job we have now, way before we were born, we are predestined and we have chosen to leave our intuition to guide us in life to make sure we fulfill our destinies (and become humanly “successful” through our passions and energies and teachings we get from that to pass on) and then come back home – to God.

I have lots of Youtubers and bloggers that I aspire to, that inspire me and that I love their flow and think to myself, “how can I have that life too, that easy, peaceful and wealthy life”? I see and perceive and feel their energies – they have already tuned into their intuitions and follow their path and are on their way to their destinies. I think when we admire someone and are inspired by their achievements in life we actually admire their found energy in fulfilling their destiny and listening to their intuition, and being who they ARE already, not who they WILL BECOME. We feel (because our intuitions really are special) that they follow their path and will go back to God happy to have finished their own assigned missions. We feel their accountability towards their destiny. We want to do that too, but we believe we need to do what they are doing to reach the same level of happiness, contentment and fulfillment, just because that’s what we see at the surface and what we perceive. And that’s when intuition plays in and when we need to follow. But we don’t, we trust more the other people and what society says we should do to have achievements. And that’s why I believe I now understand when we read about “why we should set aside what society tells us to do, and not do it”.

I have listened to myself. I have listened and discovered that what I admire at successful people is an internalized expectation of myself set by the society to achieve something worthwhile to become admired and lovable and a model for other peers. I do not need to have a specific position to be happy and I do not need to have specific knowledge in specific fields of operation to be accepted by society, to be admired by others and to be employed or get a job. I do not need to dress in a certain way to feel beautiful or to be seen as beautiful. I do not need to do SO MUCH to be allowed x, y and z things/stuff/activities/treats etc.

You do not need to do so much and hassle so much to be allowed to just be happy as you are, with what you know and with what you do, you do not need to do so much to be allowed to have x, y and z in life. Follow your intuition because it will take you where you need to be and it will make you become who you are supposed to become, the person you predestined yourself to become and forget about what society tells you.

I also discovered that who I am is not the same to whom I want to become or whom I would like to be like because what I would like to become might very well be given by my false illusion about my expectation that I need to be and become in a certain way since that’s how I have seen someone I admired that is happy and I made a wrong assumption (again, subjective perception) that that person’s life flow is in total alignment with their environment so then I need that environment too, to fulfill myself too and so, I believe I need to become someone alike that successful person by putting effort into creating an environment like them, maybe creating a blog, a youtube channel, a podcast etc. But that does not mean it will make me fulfill my destiny or it’ll fill me inside with contentment and happiness and harmony.

My core value and strength is based on safety and extreme precaution and caution. In everything that I am and I do, I am cautious and rarely take risks (unless I can go ahead with the consequences of losing something because I am not really losing). This type of cautiousness and safety that I create around me and that I breathe and I am is comforting to me because I know I can rely on myself since I am very serious, responsible and accountable and this is achieving me independence because I am practical, down to earth and determined in employing a step by step approach to problem solving and being so reliable has its benefits in society because society functions on these core values of doing things as you are told, obeying, not taking adventurous steps or not following the guidelines. It’s how I gained my independence. My money. Therefore my way of being safe in the world actually gives me independence and that is creating my freedom. That’s why I enjoy things to go in a certain way and I like to be cautious, I pay attention to details, I make sure things I organized and systemic and everything is in order. Because otherwise, it would threaten my status quo of freedom. And freedom brings me tranquility and peace and harmony. It’s very twisted and complex, but that’s the human mind and it may be hard to swallow this information. But this is what I believe.

My inner hidden anxiety is how I am for real but cannot accept that as it makes me react quickly and jump to conclusions and then regret my actions because that’s the main thing anxiety does – makes you want to react quickly to STOP the anxiety. And how would I do that if not by reacting too quickly to RELEASE THAT NEGATIVE ENERGY and EMOTION. But doing so there are consequences. That quick reaction is risky. I do not like risky. So it’s like a vicious circle. The only way to break it is to maintain my precautions. And how do I do that? Follow what society says it’s good for you. So my inner self attracts my future job/work environment. Because we are the way we describe our jobs. To balance that inside, we hide our true self with masks. My mask is a face of calm and peace and rationale and long time processing thinking patterns in the midst of a devastating emotional inner hidden (sometimes even from myself) turmoil. And that mask keeps me on balance. So, I search and aspire to a job that is alike my mask. I need a job of which activities and tasks I can speak are not stressing me and that inspire tranquility and great harmony. I dream of working in a harmonious positive (or how I perceive it) work environment to balance out that true hidden self of anxiety, stress and high demands. I look for peaceful working environments as self defense mechanism. But I always end up in jobs similar to my inner being, because I have not come to fully accept myself yet (having just discovered it, I first need to internalize that and understand it) and I attract what I am. Living with our selves for such long time, we have also started to love ourselves and all our craziness and it is difficult to free oneself of that which we know characterizes us. In a way, I do enjoy challenging working environments, competitive tasks and activities and high demands because I like to prove myself I can do that and also that, and that too and so on. This attitude is linked to what we were told while growing up “if you do this and that, you get this and that”. This means that we have been imprinted with this idea that we need to do more and more and we need to achieve more and more to obtain more and more and TO DESERVE ALL THAT WE WANT. But no one has ever told us when it was enough. Because it is enough. You are enough. 

I believe this is why it’s important to listen to our intuition. Our intuition is the only one telling us “that’s enough!”, “you are enough”. Enough of that.

I am not who I want to be like or who I want to become.

I am not who I think of myself to be. I am not who I think I am.

I am who I will be if I trust my intuition now and follow what it’s whispering to me. My intuition will take me where I need to be and it will guide me to whom I will become.

Sometimes, my intuition yells at me, and I silence it. Or some days, I do listen but then I remind myself who I think I want to become not knowing I AM already and I simply need to follow the predestined steps I set for myself, before I was even born. I know who I am. Do not doubt your intuition. I have left my intuition as a gift to me in this life to use. I call myself to use it to reach my destination and my destiny. To reach myself.

You are not who you want to be like or who you want to become. You are not who you think of yourself to be. You are not who you think you are. 

You are who you will be if you trust your intuition now and you follow what’s whispering to you. Your intuition will take you where you need to be and it will guide you to become who you are to become. 

As a conclusion, your perception of your job reflects your inner self and you struggle to fight that by putting on a mask in opposition to how that perception makes you experience life or makes you feel emotions or feelings you do not wish to. Your mask is made up of emotions that generate positive vibes, feelings and mostly ENERGY that balances out your POWERFUL INNER TRUE SELF. We are searching for harmony to balance the inner self and the desired self. Harmony can be achieved by following our intuitions. Step by step.

Reflect on the way you describe your job. How are you, really?