What Goddess are YOU?

I am reading a book called “21st Century Goddess, the modern girl’s guide to the universe” and I found this insightful quiz that I would like to share with you. This quiz relates to the type of an archetype goddess that you embody at this present time, however, after reading about each goddess, you might realise that you are a specific goddess now, but you actually aspire to become a different type. It is very fun as well, so dive deep into this curious exercise of discovering a hidden essence you hold inside and reveal yourself as true goddess:

“The Personal Goddess Quiz is designed to find out which of the 6 main Goddesses you are relating to today. The goddess will change, as you change, so it is possible to use this quiz regularly to see which one has you in her sights. And you could use this quiz to ascertain which Goddess you like to be or needs your attention. This will also portray obviously how the specific goddess outcome influences you now.

1.Which is most valuable to you this moment: A) An audience with a spiritual leader B) Fulfilling sexual relationship C) A high-flying career D) A sports award E) an item belonging to a family member F) Being the partner of a powerful person

2.You have some free time. What do you do? A) Meditate or commune with nature B) Call your partner home for an afternoon of pleasure C) Go to the gym D) Curl up with a good book E) Do some cooking or a hobby F) Put the finishing touches to a partner’s business dinner

3. What creature do you identify with: A) Owl B) Tiger C) Fish D) Dog E) Cat F) Eagle

4. Which is the single most important quality you need in a partner? A) Spirituality B) Passion C) A leader D) Intelligence E) Loyalty F) Powerful

5. When you entertain, what do you prefer to do? A) Have a quiet dinner with close friends B) Arrange a romantic dinner for your lover C) Have a spur of the moment dinner D) Like to combine dinner with work E) Have dinner with the family F) A well planned evening to network yourself or your partner

6. What is your ideal holiday? A) A meditation or yoga retreat B) A deserted island, with a partner C) A wilderness camping trip D) You really don’t care, anywhere E) an organized group trip F) Paris or somewhere else in Europe to visit some art galleries

Check the answers and see which letters you mostly chose. If you checked mostly: A – you are Persephone B – you are Aphrodite C – you are Artemis D – you are Athena E – you are Demeter F – you are Hera.

If you got a combination of say mostly Bs and Fs, read the profile for each Goddess and see which one most fits where you are today or best suits where you feel you’re going. The great thing about this quiz is that you can re-do it at anytime and as often as you like. It may be that you’re changing Goddesses daily if you’re in a period of massive change in your life. You could also be phasing from one Goddess to another, which possibly means you are in or are about to enter a transitory phase in your life. In addition, you may find that at different times you have a different Goddess in residence. You should also check to see if you are experiencing the shadow aspect of a particular Goddess (be honest with yourself now).

APHRODITE – The Aphrodite woman holds sex as a sacred activity. She delights in the gratification of the senses, adornments, and things of beauty of any kind. Touch, smell and taste are important to her and she operates largely through these for she is a tactile Goddess. she has an inborn aesthetic sense, loving the arts, poetry and design. In work and career she favours the media, fashion, interior design, or beauty industries. KEYWORDS – passionate, sensual, a lover of beauty and luxury, creative. SHADOW – possessive, lazy, vain, self-absorbed, a slave to fashion.

ARTEMIS – Artemis is in her element when out of the cities. She enjoys the rugged lifestyle. She plays by her rules and makes her own way in the world without too much male guidance. That’s not to say she doesn’t want companionship, it just means it’s the man who will have to keep up with this woman. She will remain youthful-looking well into her 40s. In work and career she is attracted to women’s shelters or women’s groups, anything that is community based, or a pioneering field, or a solitary profession. KEYWORDS – freedom, athlete, physical prowess, natural, practical, independent and individualistic. SHADOW – obsessive, aggressive, feelings of frustration, perfectionist tendencies

ATHENA – Athena is out there, the centre of activity, helping and organizing. She is intelligent and self-confident, willing to put herself on the line for her beliefs and opinions. Athena will keep her head in a conflict, and maintains a clear vision in emotional situations. If you want something done, Athena makes it happen. Men admire her for her practical way of dealing with pressure, but at the same time they can be intimidated by her, because she can outsmart them with her sharp intellect and her persuasive arguments. in work and career she will be attracted to the corporate world, boardrooms, committees and academic circles, or anything where she can make herself known and gain recognition for her talents. KEYWORDS – professional, worldly, transforming, reformer, social organizer, courageous. SHADOW – over-achiever, controller, manipulator and sceptical.

DEMETER – Demeter is the mother of mothers, she has patience and likes to be surrounded by people who need her help or motherly advice. She loves children and wants a family – the whole box and dice. Unflappable, a whirlwind can be happening ans she’s dealing with all manner of tasks, calmly and surely. If you have a work or family dinner to organize, just let the Demeter woman take over – she will remember to invite everyone, ensuring that no one is left out. She is also very good with hands and engages in anything that’s crafty oriented. In work and career she is often found in hospitals, schools, church groups or fundraising. KEYWORDS – motherly, home-maker, peacemaker, counsellor, nurturing, instinctive. SHADOW – overbearing, fussy, stubborn and excessively dating.

HERA – Hera is conscious of her position in society. She upholds what she considers important to make a pleasant environment, although she can be a little conservative and always knows what to say to whom. she is socially adept and always in sync with the correct etiquette for every occasion. Her dignity is the bedrock of her values. Hera is formidable, and will often be at the centre of disputes, debating and clashing with people. If you are aware, you will appreciate her gifts, respect her and not treat on her toes! KEYWORDS – commanding, confident, authoritative, dignified, self-assured. SHADOW – social climber, arrogant, aloof, superior.

PERSEPHONE – Persephone is the person who knows how others feel. She senses what you need to feel better, and she’s the one that you tell your deepest, darkest secrets to, even if you’ve just met her. She often needs time alone, to deal with her unseen world. Highly connected to the spiritual world, she can appear to be misunderstood and will have an aura around her, protecting her from the outside world. In work and career she is to be found as a counsellor, writer, working with the dying, healer, health practitioner. KEYWORDS – mystic, sensitive, secretive, spiritual, nonconforming, reclusive. SHADOW – overly sensitive, out of touch, whimsical, unrealistic.

You can be all 6 Goddesses, but you can be only one at a time. There is no such thing as the “wrong” Goddess for you. It’s more a question of efficacy and timing. You are not going to relate to all that is said about these Goddesses. There are going to be times when one will appeal or be more relevant to you than others. As with anything, it is about balance: it may seem at times one Goddess is in overdrive in your life. You’ll feel this in a physical and emotional sense because the influence can be very obvious and usually feels too pervasive or dominating. This is what happens when you are overdoing the Goddess. This means the particular shadow side or negative aspects of the Goddess in operation are showing up. It is wise to be alert and to try to avoid this occurring, or at least to minimize the effects. And to do this, you need to watch the signs. For example, if you were “overdoing” the Goddess Artemis, you may be acting too aggressively (as opposed to assertively), feel insecure (as opposed to feeling safe and confident in your abilities) and prefer to be alone to the point of isolation (as opposed to feeling happily independent). These are some of the shadow aspects of Artemis in the context of what the “healthy” or positive aspects of Artemis are. so to compensate for the “extreme” Artemis energy, you could concentrate on healing and overcoming your fears, forgiving others, and practising letting of of the situation. Compassion and love – for both yourself and those around you – would be a great starting point for a longer term remedy in this case.

This is why the Goddesses archetypes are so helpful. They can be indicators of where you may gain awareness of your shadow and access to the solutions that are blocking you from whatever is holding you back from reaching your true potential. The shadow elements are considered by the ego to be undesirable or simply not useful, and are therefore relegated to the dark. And these same shadow aspects and also be positive in keeping the ego in check, but we must actively and consciously choose to deal with them – we need to truly “engage” and get to the heart of it.

Often a woman becomes stronger and wiser by understanding them and working with and through them, rather than pushing them away in denial or projecting their effects on to other people. For the same reasons you may therefore also resist the Goddess you most need, the one who can show you how to heal. You are the one living your life, and if you’re ready to face your own shadow and deal with its effects, you will start to really live.”

As C.G. Jung points out: “it is often tragic to see how blatantly a person bungles their own life and the lives of others, yet remains totally incapable of seeing how much the whole tragedy originates in himself or herself.”

Blogmas 7 – Cognitive Distortions to Restructure by the end of 2019

People will do anything, no matter how absurd to avoid facing their own souls, once wrote Carl Jung. We are all biased with different thinking patterns and brain shortcuts that we created in time to have time to cope with life and change. Sometimes these cognitive distortions make it hard for us to progress in life, and the universe keeps throwing at us the same lessons in different formats, and we still don’t get it. So, this December, and Blogmas, by the end of the year, let’s work together to restructure those mental biases we all deal with.

There are 13 common cognitive distortions that I will be briefly explaining and you could work on one at a time until the end of 2019 to make sure you step into 2020 with a new fresh thinking.

1.Overgeneralising – You see a constant, negative pattern based on one event. Maybe you think that if you did not get the position you applied for, you are not good enough and you think there is no point in applying to a future job ad. But, you base your future thoughts and eventually behaviours around a single event. Step out of your mind and don’t take your thoughts so seriously.

2.Blaming / Denying – You blame others for your problems or mistakes OR you blame yourself when it wasn’t entirely your fault. You could say that you did not obtain that job because you did not have connections or because the company liked a specific type of personality or that you did not prepare for the interview. If you indeed did not prepare for the interview, that’s easily fixed, next time, you know what you need to focus more on, since you passed the CV screening. If you believe that the company or another person is to blame for your failure, think again, maybe you should consider that when you put the blame entirely on others for something you did not achieved, it could be that you are avoiding to feel the real emotions behind your lack of success. The real emotion behind that could lie in the truth that you did not prepare enough, did not have enough experience, did not have enough of confidence to show it, and so on. Always try to see beyond the surfaced emotion and train of thoughts.

3.Shoulds – you have a rigid code of conduct dictating how you and others should behave. You criticise yourself harshly when you fail to follow these rules. Should lists are so dangerous to the mind. They are transforming you into a perfectionist, into a critic and that’s not at all equal to self-love and mindfulness and good judgement. On the contrary, shoulds are infectious and must be replaced with something more kind to ourselves: the right to make mistakes, the patience to learn from one’s mistakes and the determination to challenge an existing no-longer serving belief, such as the “should theory”. Also, to gain more understanding on the topic, have a read here on the crossroads between should and must in the pursuit of happiness.

4.All or nothing thinking – You see things as absolutes, no grey areas. This ties very well with the one above. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and to understand that all things come and go. There is no white or black, as much as we would all want to shortcut things that we go through, and categorise it to make our lives easier, life is complex, so, so is our thinking.

5.Negativity bias – You notice all the negatives, but fail to notice the positives. For this one, sometimes, our parents have raised us with their own biases as their own knowledge to keep us safe from the world and to protect our future reckless choices by implementing a fear emotion in us every time we might get attracted by adventurous thoughts or behaviours. It’s ok to let go of that. Failure is a bruise, not a tattoo and even if a positive attitude does not spare you of negatives happening in your life, you should know, we need negatives too to develop the positives. There is something good in every bad, and something bad in every good. There is no white or black.

6. Catastrophising – You always expect the worst. As much as this could be a self defensive mechanism, and sometimes it turns out to be good to have this idea in your head, as you actually get surprised by life, and something resplendent is thrown at you, this should be rarely thought or used. You cannot always expect the worst. You are made up of an energy of your thoughts. If you only believe bad things will happen, guess what will you be attracting in your life? Remember, you are energy. I will share with you a secret. Remember when you tell yourself or to others: “Don’t forget to… something?”. Do you remember what actually always happens? You forget or they forget. Why? Because you have trained your mind into a NO suggestion. Do NOT remember to do that. Instead, use the phrase “Remember to do this/ I will remember to….”. Use it and let me know how it worked for you in the comments! Also, to change this thinking pattern, I will give another example. Let’s say you think – “I can’t stand this” – to restructure this cognitive distortion you could say “I am severely distressed, but I will handle it. I can manage it!”.

ONLY GROW THOUGHTS IN YOUR BRAIN THAT YOU WOULDN’T MIND PUTTING IN A VASE.

7.Labelling – You label yourself negatively. You always speak of yourself with use of negative words. Sometimes we do this, because we lack confidence in ourselves and we tend to use less than positive thinking and sayings so that whoever hears us, can actually demount our beliefs. But when you are alone, there is no one to tell you otherwise. You never believe the mirror, and if you did, it would anyway tell you the opposite of what you want to actually hear, because you are saying it to yourself, in the hope you can cling to something that can save your day. Again, as Carl Jung pointed out, “people would do anything, to avoid facing their own souls.” Stop using bad words, such as poor, inferior, unacceptable, imperfect, defective, faulty, careless, miserable, rotten, incompetent, inept, awful, appalling, terrible, pathetic, useless, lousy, deficient and start replacing them with superb, jubilant, adorable, alluring, attractive, blooming, celestial, classy, dandy, elegant, divine, enchanting, exquisite (my favourite word) fancy, fabulous, gorgeous, incomparable, irresistible, magnetic, mesmerising, ravishing, splendid, sublime, top-notch. Because you are all of that and beyond. You are beautiful. And you deserve to live your life knowing that.

8.Magical thinking – You think everything will be better when … (you’re thinner, smarter, richer, get a new job, etc). You will not be better if you live believing something that has a potentiality to not come true because you are not acting upon it. Even if you do act upon it, a lot of the times, this magical thinking relates to not really being practical about what could lead you in the spot you believe it’s going to transform you into this queen of happiness. Again, you should refer to the above, but do not believe your thoughts, and don’t take them so seriously. All things come and go in life, and practising mindfulness and gratefulness is more achievable (see my Blogmas 3 – link here and 4 – link here ) and can break down these thinking patterns of magically becoming something you think you want, when deep down, there is something else you need to focus on. Remember Carl Jung: “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, to avoid facing their own souls.” What are you avoiding by making use of magical thinking?

9.Over-personalizing – You make things personal, when they aren’t. You believe other people’s opinions are facts. You think what other people do or say is in reaction to you. I used to be a daily user of this destructive habit. Working in a call centre, you get a lot of people annoyed at the service or product and they say things such as “You do not understand”, “You think you know it all”, “You must listen to me, I am the customer” and I would easily get demotivated, annoyed, angry and sometimes even believe of myself of being incompetent. But I guess, you need to go through it to get out of it. Just be aware of this cognitive distortion and distort it in your favour. Instead of thinking of yourself to do everything well because you cannot cope with another negative feedback, say something like “I would prefer to perform well, but it’s not a disaster if I don’t.”

10.Mind -reading – you make assumptions about what other people are thinking. And we all are culprits on this one. We make assumptions because we are judgemental. And this is hard to get rid of. To reach that though, you first need to acknowledge there is a problem. That way you are half way through. For this, you can train yourself when speaking to people by listening in a mindful way, being fully present, without trying to control the conversation or the person you are speaking to think your way or convince them of something and to be free of judging their perspective. Rather, try understanding their perspective and see through their glasses. What do they see? What would they want to hear from you? What would you like to hear if you were in their shoes?

11.Double standard – You hold yourself to a higher standard than anyone else. I am the personification of this cognitive distortion. I am a perfectionist and I am still figuring out how to restructure this distortion in my mind. A lot of the times, people experiencing double standard demand a lot of themselves, are severe to themselves if they do not stand up to their own elevated expectations of what they should have accomplished and they may surround themselves with people who aren’t that professional. Sometimes they do, but they immediately feel the person and when they see that everyone that they’ve met so far fails their standards, they might start to overgeneralize and more biases are born. Be careful what you tolerate, you are teaching people how to treat you. If you demand a lot of yourself, and show this to others, they might start asking more from you, because they believe of you being capable of delivering more than anticipated. This puts you in a position of stress and pressure to accommodate your standard to even higher ones, because for a person with a double standard, nothing is ever good enough.

12. Fallacy of fairness – you think things should work out according to what you think is fair. People do not have the same standard as you do. People have their own level of fairness and correctness and consciousness. I get a lot frustrated by the fact that people do not see things as I see them and this thinking pattern falls into this category because I expect them to think the same way regarding specific general topics, such as cleanliness, as an example. The truth is, people are unique and so is their viewing on the world, and so is their behaviour. What you think is trash might be someone else’s treasure and vice-versa. That’s how you need to think all aspects of life to heal this cognitive distortion. Also, do remember that “everything that irritates us about others, can lead us to an understanding of ourselves” as Carl Jung said.

13.Emotional Reasoning – you think your feelings are reality. In fact, they only portray your perception of the world. They are unique and they do not mean they are highlighting the reality around you. If you feel crap, it does not mean you are horrible. That’s just your interpretation of an emotion. Step out of that behavioural pattern and be kind to yourself. Appreciate what you have and who you are and who you are becoming. To reconstruct this cognitive distortion of emotional reasoning, you have to start thinking that your mental health is to be treated with the same importance as your physical health. When you think “I am worthless/ I feel worthless” do believe that YOUR EMOTIONS DO NOT DICTATE YOUR REALITY and say it to you out loud: “My emotions do not dictate my reality”.

Be patient with yourself as nothing in nature blooms all year round.

More words to heal you and start the transformation process until the end of the year: GATHER COURAGE LIKE WILDFLOWERS. (Jak Major)

Sometimes, when you’re in a dark place, you think you have been buried but actually you have been planted.

I would like to end today’s Blogmas with one word, this is EQUANIMITY.

Equanimity is a mental calmness, composure and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. I believe that all these cognitive distortions are ways we use to cope with life and the experiences we face. We need mindfulness and lots of self-care to achieve this equanimity thinking pattern and I am confident with enough information and explanation and exposure to uplifting content, we can all be examples of challenging our existing beliefs and restructuring our most common cognitive distortions that stop us from truly come to terms with tranquillity and peace and our own unique story of life or career success.

Which cognitive distortion do you find yourself hard to overcome?

What is Positive Psychology?

Positive Psychology is a form of therapy developed by Nossrat Peseschkian in Germany in 1968. The author discovered that using stories and fairy-tales as well as examples of other cultures, the patient is more prone to becoming capable of broadening his perspectives over his own problems, issues and conflicts and he can look at himself as well as to others from different angles, enabling the patient to treat his conflicting thoughts, ideas and situations. Dr. Peseschkian is responsible for the idea which states that if there are certain diseases and conflicts within a family and they are transmitted within the family (persons/society) then the family itself (person/society) has the capacity to cope with that specific problem or conflict. In other words, the patient can become his own therapist.

what is positive psychology psychotherapy therapy healing

Positive Psychology is based on a positive image of the human being, which pinpoints the fact that the human being was gifted with 4 types of capacities: physical, mental (psychological), social and spiritual. All diseases and all disorders are being interpreted in a new, more positive way, by using in its interpretation stories, quotes, fairy tales and examples from other cultures. The patient is being encouraged to play an active role in his own healing. Positive psychology believes that the human being is a whole made up of 4 parts: body, mind, emotions and spirit. The therapeutic process purpose is to help the client/patient to develop his innate capacities to find his balance in the daily activities. The patient is being encouraged to become a therapist for his family and for his closest ones in the sense that if he understands himself, he is able and better equipped to help his close ones, either by guiding them or sharing his experiences. Positive psychology uses methods from other disciplines too in order to make the patient’s adjustments processes to flow.

Positive psychology / therapy must be distinguished from the positive psychology practised by Dr Martin Seligman, whose books and insights into the field of psychology is very profound too, however different.

jason-leung-what is positive psychology psychotherapy therapy healing
Photo Credit – Jason Leung

“Defnition of ‘Positive’
According to Martin Seligman and his positive psychotherapy / positive psychological interventions, “positive” denotes a constructive initiative in intention or attitude, showing optimism and confidence, a good affirmative, or constructive quality or attributes. Here the word “positive” focuses on the resource side: well-being; strengths and virtues; etc. that enable individuals, communities and organisations to thrive.
Whereas, Positive Psychotherapy (according to the definitions of Nossrat Peseschkian)
defines “positive” in an etymological way. “Positive” from its Latin meaning comes from
“positum” – the things set in front of you in terms of the factual thing, the ‘whole’ thing. Here,it means the combination of good and bad things, strengthening and weakening aspects, etc. Therefore, “positive” here does not focus exclusively on the resource side: the resource side just completes the picture.
Psycho-therapeutic interventions keep in mind both aspects: problem solving; and also
sources of strength, coping and well-being. Te ‘holistic’ meaning of “positive” contains:
positive in concept of men; positive in believing in undeveloped capabilities; positive in
functions and meaning of the symptoms; and positive in solution-orientated processes”

You can read more about the history of positive psychotherapy and positive psychology approaches in this document.

what is positive psychology psychotherapy therapy healing