I am not morbid. I know the featured photo is quite bizarre without an explanation. Or maybe not. It does depend on how you answer this question I was asked today:
What would you do if you knew you had one year left to live?
The person asking me this, wanted to help me to highlight the one thing that I would choose to work or do or would regret not doing if I was to die soon. To me, though that question does not hold the answer you would be expecting. Or that you believe of yourself to expect answering.
I would not pursue that thing that I want so much to obtain now, simply because it would not make sense. The reason I want to work in a specific field or achieve a specific status or to become someone worthwhile or to pursue that, is, to be able to live the rest of my days heavenly, the way I would define the meaning of the word, which is at peace, in the flow with
my work, well, no, with my vocational path, blissfully aware of my dear ones and happily grateful for their love, able to fulfill my potential, my talents, my gifts, my joys. To transform myself and grow my soul into something wild and wise, kind and inspiring. I would like to live these feelings and experience those emotions eternally, but more pregnant on Earth, in this life, and the only way I see this possible is by envisioning this dream I have for myself and fulfilling it. I would not see a point in trying to reach this dream when I know I will die pretty soon. Because it would take a lot of energy and focus which would not make sense to try since I am about to die soon. Because what I would like to do, if that would be the case, would be to be peaceful, to enjoy my life without the stress of having to achieve something, which would actually make sense to me to be pursued to be enjoyed and lived if one would live many many many but many healthy years.
I do not have this vision of having my last year of life fulfilled by working in the field that I am not working now, but wish to work, however that wish to work in that particular passion is valid if I am to live for many years. If you know what I mean. I hope you do. There’s no other simpler way to express that.
This picture attached to this blog post would represent to me the view would put me at peace, would make me enjoy my last days. Would induce to me awareness and probably would calm me. It’s also 2 sheep there. Which means I would rather spend my last year of life with my husband. Enjoying our love and our companionship. One with nature. I read this thing the other day:
Nature facts: Nature will kill you and do something else from you.
It sounded very funny to me. And I know it sounds a bit weird to say this, especially in the context of this post, however, this specific question did make me realize something else.
I am not really drawn to become someone in order to be happy as that someone. I am drawn to become someone at present, as being someone these days brings perks and rewards and gains with which you can make your life easier. You can start living your dreams. At core, I actually want to simply enjoy my family life, live peacefully somewhere where nature surrounds me, rather than just buildings (but don’t get me wrong, I like city life as well) as nature is therapy and take care of myself and of my husband.
Taking care of oneself may sound egocentric. I see it as self love. Which will enhance your affection and love to your dear ones. Which will construct a better relationship. A happier more tranquil life. As I can do all that I love to do. To me, that translates to love. I see taking care of myself as taking the time to read what I want without the restrictions or constraint that that is useless in terms of information to help me build my so called career, I see taking care of myself as taking the time to care for my body through exercise, to care for my soul, through day dreaming (although I have no idea what I would day dream if I did not need to day dream, as I tend to day dream to escape from the reality and collide into wishes which will eventually sparkle my creativity and inspiration) and other activities whose names and delights I will keep for myself.
I do need time for myself. A lot. Working part time is not enough for me, as the job I have consumes a lot of my creative energy in the direction which does not fulfill me. Therefore, after work, even though I work 4 days a week, I am still drained and feel I need MORE TIME TO DO NOTHING. To just be with myself. Well. That’s just me, if you want to call me a typical introvert, I won’t be upset. I guess it’s the truth.
If I had only one year left to live, I would resign on the spot and fully enjoy my relationship. In a distant uncrowded sunny beach of a slow city or so. If it has sheep and goats and mountains, fine as well. And this question of what I would do if I had only one year left to live, does answer the core interest or passion I, at least, have: my love relationship.
It’s all that does matter.
What would you do if you had to live only one more year?