I guess I am writing the following words in remembrance of how I imagined myself to be when I would accomplish 30 or so, which happened this year in February. And I am also writing this as a memorial for how I have felt in the last 10-12 years or so because another year is yet to come. 2017 is awaiting my resolutions. Very little have I achieved from my previous New Year’s Resolutions. But I guess I am no different than a lot of other people on this lovely Planet. This is not a sad post. This is a wake up post. For me, for you, for us all.
When I remember myself at 18, I remember not just my self, my mind and heart at that time, but also the way the world worked and how it used to be. And in that moment that I remember it, that’s when everything started to change.
Up until that point, everything was on a different track. A more calmer, enriched with serenity and a much peaceful environment. It was a routine in the world. You showed up to your job after you have showed up to your school and you knew everything was going to be in a certain way. When I was 18, H5 (high 5) was Facebook, messenger yahoo was on the verge of exploding and I did not even have internet on a daily basis. That was something I had access weekly on Saturday or Sunday, and not for hours and hours. It was for a period of usually a couple of hours. MTV was where you would listen and see the musicians and when I remember myself back in those days, I also remember I was a lot more peaceful. Not because I was younger. But because there was not this fast world movement. Not so many social media events happening. The fast food started to exist back in those days, but it was not something that you would eat every day. That was the exception that today we can compare to the fact that it would be an exception to have a day without being digital. That’s how the “industry” of the FAST evolved. The world revolved around the American dream. Before, it was not about numbers on social media, it was not about Youtube, it was not about bloggers and fashion and make up. That was all in magazines. And everything had such a pleasant look in a tranquil mode. Just listen to some old music tracks. You will instantly feel the difference, the peaceful vibe, the slowness of it all.
Fast forward 2016 and heading towards 2017 now: you no longer wish to study something as it is not going to be relevant and it is not really something you want to study. You don’t really want to work anymore. You don’t really wish to live anywhere else than the virtual reality. The things have changed so much, that our values reshaped into something that makes us struggle everyday to achieve it, because most of the time it is not tangible, it is not on the tranquil pace that brings peace and wisdom and eventually, the achievements.
Living in between these times, I cannot help but to feel sometimes unhappy professionally. Because first of all, I did not pursue what I wished to pursue when I studied Psychology. I took on jobs that I did not want to work on because it was needed. I disappointed myself. You do not realize the disappointment until you realize there is no longer that peace and steady pace it used to surround you. The familiar environment. The friendliness of the environment and of the people around you. Being unfulfilled professionally, you try to undo that, and you try to do whatever it takes to accomplish yourself. So you go with the flow, you take on a good job, you sell yourself to corporations, you show up everyday and you never show up for your own health and most important, for your own mental health. When you feel there’s an emptiness inside you or even around you, and that you are more like someone drifted by the collateral trends, you become more alert about your future. Where is this going to take you? In that moment in time, when you will accomplish what you wanted to, what’s next? Isn’t it going to be too late to do what you actually are struggling to do now?
Aren’t you heading towards something you think it is going to give you something, but actually taking it from you on the way?
I feel there is an urgent need for tranquility, for peace, for slow movements, for reading books outside and for holidays. That’s because the world around us and the one we are chasing is making us collapse. Or at least that’s how it is making me. And every day you struggle for the weekend. And think to yourself, it is going to be ok, by the end of this month, I will have… this and that. But when you are all used up by all that you do now, what are you going to be? Who are you going to be?
This is more a personal manifesto for discovering my true self (but it may apply to you very much) and for realizing that what I have chosen so far, was my own comfortable choice. And at any point I can undo that, and choose a different story. A different page. Which might bring in the future more resentment or regrets, because you never really know if you have taken the correct step, if you keep comparing yourself to the world and to the today’s world values and trends to live by.
I read something very inspirational today. It goes like this: “You want the dream job on the other side of the country? But they’re not hiring yet. Never mind that. Get your affairs in order so that you could move on short notice. Get into position to take your position.” And these are all by Danielle LaPorte, my favorite inspirational peace giver author.
Read this: “Sometimes when you fill up your day planner, your closets, your dance card, you’re telling the universe that you’re too busy to pick up the gift you ordered — your hands are full, you like being distracted, you’re okay with killing time.Just because what you want isn’t here today, doesn’t mean you should fill the empty space while you wait for it to arrive.”
or this: “Slow down so what you want can catch you.
Say no, thank you today so you can say yes tomorrow.
Make space for what you want to show up.”
Thinking about what you wish to achieve in your life, in your career and etc, I find it is important to discover what you want from yourself. How do you want to feel each day and how do you want to be in order to be happy ? To me happiness is a feeling of being tranquil, of being in the present and of being there. That is applicable both to the career level and to the personal life (emotional, spiritual and all that). More than my health, my mental health is fundamental. It is the core of my life so that I can create my life.
What I have realized quite recently, is that, I used to be in rejection with the job I performed. I did it but did not want to do it, did not want to learn anything from it, did not want to see what it could offer; even if it is a call center activity or customer service over the phone job, or sales, I can still learn so much about communication and human nature from a psychological point of view (and did not see it up until very recently). Because that’s my job. That’s me. A customer support representative helping customers or businesses. I was someone I did not like to be. So how can that bring me anything else that I want? If I am always in the position of rejecting the gifts of the Universe? If I am always dreaming of something else that I could do (if I had the courage to start it all over or if I would leave my comfort zone to action more instead of daydreaming even more), I am using that time to let the Universe know, I am busy now to dream, let me dream, cause I am not happy in this position. Well, the Universe will bring me the opportunities that make me happy: the dreaming environment. The hard environment to put me in the position that makes me happy: to day dream and imagine what I could be or do.
Even though I read a lot of personal development books and other stuff, I do not practice them as I should or as I preach them. What’s the point of knowing it all, and not using it in my advantage? Why am I not making room for more, why am I not making space for myself? Why am I not slowing down to listen to my future? To see what the Universe wants to teach me?
And the reason is simple: it is more convenient to work for someone else. It is easy to look at Instagram, Facebook, Youtube and all that internet information available in such splendid beautiful colors and dreams and lifestyle inspirations. And we live in there. On Pinterest sometimes. On Instagram on other days. And through our favorite Youtuber’s lifestyles. Not out of it. Not out here. We are constantly there, caught in this maze of inconsistency with ourselves and with our true nature and our true self. And our true wishes. Or maybe that’s just me. Or maybe that’s just another social trend. Fast, easy and enjoyable. Maybe life it’s not like that. Maybe life is hard, life is suffering and teachings and karma and debt. And I choose to believe it is not. Because by nature, I would deny and reject whatever makes me unhappy. And I cannot cope with a life that must be anything else than joy, vocational fulfillment and serenity.
I also came to the conclusion that it is hard to enjoy the little things because we want to achieve more, we strive for perfectionism all the time and there is no perfection in the little things in the way people see it, as we love complicated things to give to our compulsive minds to solve and then prove to ourselves we are so smart in order to elevate our self esteem in our quest for the Perfect thing we want to achieve.
I have seen this on someone’s Instagram profile, probably taken from somewhere on the web (another trend, to pick up things we like, to collect them and create ourselves based on it): Part time dreamer, full time believer. So, that’s how we should be, as in the Secret and the law of attraction: Part time dreamers, full time believers. Because I don’t think Einstein or any other historical life change gamer was anything less than that.
Your Mantra for 2017: Part time dreamer, full time believer. Slow down, start to enjoy more your life, however it may be. This will be my resolution for the New Year.
Hope is the only thing that can reinstate our tranquility and optimism. But to conquer the realm we dream for, we must action in one way or another.