If you are like me, and you have a cocktail of interests, you probably find yourself in the confusing situation that you cannot choose what you want to focus your life, your purpose on. And the core ingredient to excel at something it’s to concentrate on one particular subject. To be something in specific. To become a specialist, to be an expert in something.
Of course, my passions spread in 5 different directions just like when you drop on the floor a just opened bag of pistachio. It goes even where you did not think it would and you find a piece of it, months later, wondering how is it that you did not see it before. It was in your face. My hobbies, passions, interests whatever you want to call them are vast, just like my mind. They are all contained in a lot of drawers that I open occasionally and wonder if I should keep on this or on that any longer, as I have another thing to put in that drawer. I consume a lot of passions and interests. Most of them in my mind. Will this work? Imagining all possibilities and my future choosing this or that. I should write stories. I could do Youtube. I could write more. I could do the other, or that, or this. A never ending fairy tale of wishful dreams that in my mind reach their happy end.
This is not healthy. It makes you lose sight of the whole picture.
I want to be a creative writer, I want to create a meaningful, beautiful blog, wonderfully presented ideas into posts that are spread all over the internet to people that hopefully do find it helpful and enjoyable at the same time, I want to be focused and creative at the same time, I want to create meaning, I want to bring meaning and be therapeutic through my writing. I want to inspire, to motivate, to become an exceptionally storyteller through my words, to be exquisite. And I want to be more than that also.
I want to be able to make a living from this artistic creation that I imagine I will post here, on this blog. I want to be able to have a strong online presence. To work with different brands of organic, natural and cruelty free skincare or food, and clothes, ideas and ecologic brands maybe for fashion that are all over the world.
I want to learn more languages.
I want to impress myself.
I wish to inspire others to live what they want to live, to work on their passions, to encourage originality, to travel to grow spiritually.
I am all for personal development. I love to read. I would love to share more of what I find motivational through what I have read so far. I would love to share more of my thoughts.
And when my perfectionism stops me, I feel I lack originality, I feel I lack that creative sparkle that I look out to so many other creative writers, exceptional persons, creators and artists of life.
I want to be more myself and express myself and be able to live decently from that. I want to be free of any responsibilities with targets to accomplish, objectives to work by, lists and to-do notes. I want to have the freedom to not do that. Maybe hire someone and that someone to be a person that was blessed from above with that desire to organize, to do it for me. In this way, we both win. We, each of us express ourselves, we both live how we want.
I want to be me more often. And not feel it is wrong, not feel that I do not belong anywhere. ‘Cause I belong to myself. And remember that quote? “If you do not work on your dream, you will work to attain someone else’s dream.”
Is that what you want?, I guess I ask myself that every single day. I guess I pretend in my mind that I still have time. But all dreams have an expiry date. And the important part is NOW. I guess I am trying to motivate myself to work harder and as I mentioned it in my previous blog post I lack a sort of discipline to work on my own dreams. Even though I do feel I am doing something to come closer to my dream, I am not constant about it, and I do not see (yet) any outcomes from what I have managed to do so far. Which to be fair it ain’t that much.
I wonder, what do you do daily to come closer to your dreams? Give me some tips. Building discipline is not an easy task. Not after you have lived a whole lot of years in laziness. In acceptance of that’s enough. That’s ok. A life of “good enough”. A life of “I am still young, maybe later”. And so, we reach the procrastination point.
That feeling that you are moving in circles. And then you overhear someone (a friend, a stranger in the bus, another stranger, someone on another blog, a Youtuber, your best friend, etc) stating their dreams so vividly and so confidently to others, that you totally get inhibited by your own self critique which stops you to put in the next puzzle. And I am so good at puzzles. I am competitive but only when I am in the mood to prove it to others that I am exceptional. It’s exhausting to be exceptional all the time. But when you build the excellency daily through all your activities, it becomes a habit. I believe I have started to confuse that feeling of doing the best I am with perfectionism.
“Stop with this train of thoughts!” … I have a soul that screams for THAT freedom.
What do I want to be? Probably whatever you want to be: successful. But my kind of success is different than yours. Because I am chasing a specific feeling which that success makes me feel like.
What do you want to be? Do you know? Are you still searching? Are you there? Are you taking steps each day to reach that destination? Or are you like me, balancing too many interests that simply will clutter your mind and confuse your direction. Or maybe that’s just a lack of confidence in a type of activity you have already chosen but you are fearful about diving in into. It could be the fear that you will be successful in whatever you have on your mind and you are not ready for that responsibility of success. Or afraid that once attained, it might get lost. Taken away from you, after such hard work.
But I am an expert in going on and on and around on this subject. Instead of letting the snow build in. It will eventually melt. When it’s done its job. To chill me down. “Chill, relax…” Relaxation is the tool to assist in focus and concentration.