I believe the reason I procrastinate is that I compare myself to other people, to their achievements and to their lives. Because of that, I instantly feel that what I want to put out there is less important, less creative, less attractive, less helpful or meaningful and enjoyable, which if you have been around for a while, you already know I strive to showcase through these posts.
I procrastinate most of everything that I have a to-do-list for. Exercising. Figuring out what I want to be in life. An organized status of my posts. A blog post. My Instagram account. My social media presence. My reading list.
I never procrastinate on the next New Youtube video from someone I follow. I never procrastinate on chocolate. I never procrastinate on going to work, to the monotonous stressful job as a call center representative. I never procrastinate on stuff that I got accustomed to to do. So then, that leads me to the next thing.
It means I need to start new habits. But then if I am going to do a to-do-list for that, it is obvious what it will end like. I actually do have a #goals for that as well. Therefore, I will simply just do it. I will start letting the universe I have envisioned in my head to create on this blog, flow by itself. Because saying that I have the writer’s block, is another form of procrastination.
“Houston, we have got a problem!” my mind starts anxiously. FEAR.
Fear that you are making a mistake. Fear that you let too much of yourself seen or read. Fear that you will be judged. Worse: fear that you will not be liked for what you put out there. Fear that you are not meaningful. Fear that you are not enjoyable. Fear that you are not what people look for to read. Fear that you will embarrass yourself. Fear that someone at work might see this. Fear that you will be seen as a weirdo. Fear that you are an open book. Fear that you can get hurt. Fear that you will feel ashamed. Fear that this is useless. Fear that it will not take you anywhere and it is a waste of time, in the end. Fear you will fail. Fear that I will disappoint. Fear that people will see me different after this but in a negative way, and I bet you know what I mean. Fear that I would lose respect. Feel that I am not in control.
Fear that I will be vulnerable.
But then I believe that all those fears are actually another form of comparing myself with other people’s content and creative expression and their positive feedback. If other content creators, storytellers or creative writers or bloggers that I enjoy going through their writing receive such beautiful responses, and I too, believe they are doing an awesome job, then it means that my thoughts are less whatever I think of others’content because I actually secretly wish my content was as exceptionally creative and wonderfully put into words, poetic and alluring as theirs. I want to be them.
Why do I feel I need to copy someone else’s work that I think of as beautiful?
Because I see in others what I see in myself. Other people are our mirrors. There is a reason behind the saying “Birds of a feather flock together.” Understanding this, I see now that everyone I follow on social media, every book I read and I like, every blog content that I feel unique and different and creative and I love it is actually a part of me. It is something that was said or done and that was something that I might have done as well or thought as well, if I had that voice online. That’s the whole secret of getting followers. You get what you are.
I have always had great grades. But it was the quality that got me those grades. I want numbers, but I want it in quality. I am not looking for brand deals, as there are way too little brands I actually buy. I am more of a minimalist. But I do have a lot of thoughts and ideas and words and things to say.
And I fear that what I want to say it is not what people consume these days. I fear failure as everybody does. I fear I might say stuff that it is stupid and that will make people think something about me that I did not even consider when expressing myself. Do not get me wrong, I too consume Youtubers, blogs and online information that is artificial. It’s just shiny on the outside. It has no substance. But I know what I actually consume from that blog. I like the style, the architecture of the blog, the photos, the lights, the colors, the vibes, the mood created, the inspiration. Sometimes even the material stuff: dresses, jewelry, scarves, products, STUFF.
All that stuff that we like and wish for, is a way we use to display our personalities and ourselves into the world. It is a way of creating our personalities as much as it is constructing our lives and it sometimes clutters it.
If I like that scarf, that ring, that phone, that book, that bike, that skincare brand or that ideology or organic, natural, ecologic, minimalist, then it means I want to associate myself with that to express myself and to create myself. To love myself. As I will be able to say about myself that I am this and that. Which instantly boosts your self esteem and it makes you feel good about yourself.
It makes you feel good about yourself when you portray a certain image you have created in your head you want to like. Based on your idol, based on your favorite youtuber, based on your mother, based on a lifestyle, based on a designer’s piece of clothing. You are all that stuff.
However, I have realized that even though that helps, and it is not necessarily a bad form of pinpointing your mark into the world as long as you do not exaggerate with it and you only live to accumulate things, I find that also this need of social media presence is the same thing. You want to attract numbers, people that like you to highlight what you already know deep down in a way or maybe you don’t. Who knows.
I will not lie, I dream of big achievements. Because those are the people I follow and enjoy. I want comfort, money, abundance, but I also need and desire health, spiritual enlightenment, personal development and becoming myself that which I want to give you through my posts: become a meaningful, helpful and enjoyable person.
I am already. My ego does not wish to keep to herself. She wishes that I become this worthwhile human being that left a positive mark on the Earth to other human beings. Maybe even to inspire them to become something like that as well.
So, without any other plans, I am releasing my energy into the universe through what I write. I hope to inspire you in some way! And I hope you will be a part of this somehow… I mean this is how I have stopped procrastinating. Thinking too much of a content and a way to put it out there. Just do it.
That’s my new habit: JUST DO IT!
P.S. Dear Universe: I am open to your opportunities. Bring them on!